How Your Past Influences the Type of People You Date

January 29, 2020 by  
Filed under Featured Articles, Front Page

How Your Past Influences the Type of People You Date

by Tegan Wehner

Your past life has some impact on your present and it is manifested in various areas of your life. The effect of the past may come out in how you respond to various situations, relate with people, or even approach various issues. The past could be childhood experiences that you had with your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, or other people.

In your dating life, your past can influence the type of people you date in the following ways:

You will tend to get attracted to the same type of people

According to a prominent psychiatrist, you are likely to attract people of the type you interacted with in your early days, for example parents who were alcoholics or narcissists. You could keep on getting attracted to such people until you can identify what hurt you in those early relationships and start the healing process.

You could have had a difficult past, and then if you are a highly sensitive person (an empath), it will make you feel you need to fix the issues in those people you date and be involved in their healing. It is therefore critical for you to be cautious if you had a certain type of parent and you keep attracting such boyfriends or girlfriends. You need to examine what wounds could have affected you when growing up so you avoid the recurrence of attracting people with the same characteristics as those you interacted with earlier in life.

But how could you avoid just attracting people like yourself or those you interacted with in the past? You may try to meet more people by going to different places and attending various social events. Another way is to use online tools like dating  websites. They are available for all kinds of hookups including and hookups with sugar mommies or daddies.

You may want to choose partners with a different story

While people tend to get attracted to those who have characteristics of people in their early relationships, they could also try to avoid them. For example, some divorced men are more likely to look for partners with no earlier relationship histories. You may also find yourself looking for someone who has qualities that are different from those of your parents. Those who had parents who were always criticizing them may choose partners who do not criticize their every action.

You may avoid things that your partner liked

Past bad relationships can make one have displeasure with the things that they once used to value or find happiness in, so they keep away from people who value those things. These may be referred to as ‘tainted joys.’ You may have had things or experiences that you used to enjoy or consider important to you, but since they are connected to a former partner, you may not want anything to do with them. For instance, if you had a partner who loved going to the movies, you may avoid future partners who like watching movies. You may also avoid people who like these things since they make you feel guilty or remind you of your previous relationships. The bad feelings should end with time, but they can affect one’s choice of partners or the type of people they relate with.


Your past relationships, whether at home or with your partners, can influence the people you date. It is more likely that you will attract people like those you interacted with earlier, maybe as you seek to fix them or be part of their healing or because you share some traits. It is also possible that you will try to avoid those who have similarities with those in your earlier relationships. Maybe that is to avoid them reminding you of your past or because you fear that things could turn out the same again.